Silence (and the importance thereof) - Memories from Covid
The following is a slightly reworked piece of writing I published on my Instagram during Lockdown… 3, I believe. Remember those crazy, hazy couple of years?
“Yoga chitta vritti nirodha - Yoga is the stilling of the chatter of the mind’
Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras 1:2
Silence can be defined as ‘the complete absence of sound’, but also as ‘stillness’, and ‘a lack of expressed mention of concern.’
I have been mulling over this post for a few days, and it’s inspired by a few different chains of thoughts .
It’s just gone 6am and I have had yet another restless night, cut short by insomnia at about 5.
This time, I decided to get out of bed, make coffee, and actually get writing.
I am uncomfortable with silence. Fact.
Last week I finally took the plunge of practicing one of my own online yoga classes - and what I realised was…
I WAFFLE ON WAY TOO MUCH!
So first of all, apologies to those of you who have been irritated by my constant chatter.
Don’t get me wrong, most of the stuff I said was relevant, appropriate, interesting, at times inspiring.... there was just too much of it!
These last few months have taught me I am deeply uncomfortable with silence. I have been doing a lot of self-study to get to the root of the issue and establish why that is.
I was a very quiet child, often left on my own with the company of books and my own thoughts.
(I now know I had undiagnosed ASD, an awareness that has considerably helped me to make sense of my inner landscape and idiosyncrasies.)
At some stage in my life, probably as a reaction to the deep sense of loneliness that enveloped me and to the myriad of thoughts that kept getting tangled up in my still-forming mind, I became deeply uncomfortable with silence and stillness - and this still holds true today.
When I first started practicing yoga, I would struggle massively with Savasana. My teachers often told me off for the constant fidgeting, but I just didn’t see the point of lying on the floor completely still. My body and my mind were fighting against it. Against the avalanche of thoughts rushing in, unrestrained and uninterrupted.
Over the last 10 months, we have all been forced to stay still. In a sense, the whole world has come to a standstill. It can feel as if our lives have been put on hold.
If you are anything like me, this may well have triggered a massive surge of stress and anxiety.
I wish I had answers. I do not. But if you do feel like this, please write something in a comment.
Maybe silence can be shared. 🙏🏻”