Silence (and the importance thereof) - Memories from Covid
The following is a slightly reworked piece of writing I published on my Instagram during Lockdown… 3, I believe. Remember those crazy, hazy couple of years?
“Yoga chitta vritti nirodha - Yoga is the stilling of the chatter of the mind’ Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras 1:2 Silence can be defined as ‘the complete absence of sound’, but also as ‘stillness’, and ‘a lack of expressed mention of concern.’ I have been mulling over this post for a few days, and it’s inspired by a few different chains of thoughts . It’s just gone 6am and I have had yet another restless night, cut short by insomnia at about 5. This time, I decided to get out of bed, make coffee, and actually get writing. I am uncomfortable with silence. Fact. Last week I finally took the plunge of practicing one of my own online yoga classes - and what I realised was…
I WAFFLE ON WAY TOO MUCH! So first of all, apologies to those of you who have been irritated by my constant chatter. Don’t get me wrong, most of the stuff I said was relevant, appropriate, interesting, at times inspiring.... there was just too much of it! These last few months have taught me I am deeply uncomfortable with silence. I have been doing a lot of self-study to get to the root of the issue and establish why that is.
I was a very quiet child, often left on my own with the company of books and my own thoughts.
(I now know I had undiagnosed ASD, an awareness that has considerably helped me to make sense of my inner landscape and idiosyncrasies.) At some stage in my life, probably as a reaction to the deep sense of loneliness that enveloped me and to the myriad of thoughts that kept getting tangled up in my still-forming mind, I became deeply uncomfortable with silence and stillness - and this still holds true today. When I first started practicing yoga, I would struggle massively with Savasana. My teachers often told me off for the constant fidgeting, but I just didn’t see the point of lying on the floor completely still. My body and my mind were fighting against it. Against the avalanche of thoughts rushing in, unrestrained and uninterrupted. Over the last 10 months, we have all been forced to stay still. In a sense, the whole world has come to a standstill. It can feel as if our lives have been put on hold. If you are anything like me, this may well have triggered a massive surge of stress and anxiety. I wish I had answers. I do not. But if you do feel like this, please write something in a comment. Maybe silence can be shared. 🙏🏻”
On The Importance Of Rest
Sunday, aka ‘the day of rest’.
A concept I have always struggled with.I grew up in deeply Catholic Italy, where Sunday meant putting on nice clothes, going to church, then family lunch then…. Nothing?!Alright, maybe some homework, watching Sunday sport, occasionally a movie, but everything moved ever ao slowly and lazily.As a chronic overachiever, I am on the hyperactive side. It makes sense that Sundays have always been triggering for me.I have always felt the need to ‘do’ something. To organise activities, get togethers. Alternatively, I would make sure I had work to do (as a self employed person, that is often still the case. I should actually be working right now!)I think my sense of discomfort ties in with my historical dislike of silences(there is another blog post coming up about that)I tend to think that ‘doing nothing’ is pointless. Why do nothing when you could be doing SOMETHING?If I am doing something - anything - it is easier to keep my thoughts at bay.As I often like to remind students in class, back when i started practicing yoga, I was the eternal fidgeter.Child’s Pose? What even is the point? And don’t get me started on Savasana. Why would I be lying on my back, perfectly still, waiting to be attacked by all sorts of thoughts?10 years on, I have gotten better at being still on the mat and I feel lots of love for the fidgeting students who remind me of Luisa 1.0.Taking time off and actually resting is still a work in progress…
Hello. This is Me.
Hello. This is me.
Here’s a few random facts about me:
🌙 I was born in Italy but I’ve lived in London since early 1999. Literally, last century!
🌙 My first love has always been languages. I have been working as an Audiovisual Translator for over 20 years now. I mostly translate subtitles for TV and cinema - I probably have translated something you watched!
🌙 I have started practicing yoga over 10 years ago and have been teaching since 2019.
🌙 I came to yoga quite late.
I have no gymnastics or ballet background. In fact, I was quite a chubby child with little interest in being active. Books, Greek Mythology, and chocolate, those I liked!
🌙 I have struggled with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, anxiety, and OCD since my teens.
A few years ago, thru a meeting with an awesome therapist, I realised I have Asperger’s Syndrome, now classified as ASD.
My brain works in rather special and mysterious ways. Sometimes it’s a burden, sometimes it’s amazing. But it’s never boring.
🌙 I am absolutely rubbish at meditation.
When I first started practicing yoga, I used to be useless at Savasana. I couldn’t stay still for more than 30 seconds. I also felt incredibly vulnerable lying down on the mat, with my eyes closed, as the thoughts spiralling around my hyperactive brain were free to launch themselves at me from all directions.
I got better at it, with practice.
But stillness and silence are still challenging.
This is probably long enough for now.
Be safe. Be happy. Be kind.
Be true.
